The Promise
by verumficta
Summary: Merlin tears it up, hides it away; all in hopes Arthur doesn't see and doesn't leave him all alone. Again. *Modern!Reincarnation AU*


The Promise

Merlin isn't sure when it starts- this obsession of his. Only that soon it became a habit, something he had no control over. He simply had to do it. The satisfaction of ripping it right out of the magazine and tearing it into a million pieces while he ran out to the balcony and threw it up into the air. The colored pieces of paper floated down, the wind blowing it off course and out onto the city away from Merlin.

He felt his smile grow as he sees one little piece caught in the metal framework of the balcony railing; he pushes it right off the edge leaning forward to watch it blow away in the wind down onto the street below. _Away. _Merlin's fingers tighten on the balcony railing, his head leaning against the cool metal; his eyes screwed shut. _Far, far away. Away from Merlin. Away from Arthur._

He wouldn't be able to bear it if he left again.

If he went off and died again.

He hears the front door slam close as he shivers in the cool evening wind, his eyes remain closed as he hears his love call out. "Merlin? Where are- What _are _you doing! You'll freeze, you _idiot!" _Merlin feels strong arms pull him inside, closing the glass balcony door behind him.

He feels soft, gentle fingers caress his face and stroke his hair, his love's voice affectionate but colored with worry. He didn't want Arthur to worry. "Merlin? Are you- are you okay? Did something happen?" Merlin's eyes flickered open, dark blue eyes meeting light ones mere inches away from each other.

He watches the worry in Arthur's eyes, the anxious set of his jaw and the frown on his beautiful face. Merlin lifts a palm to cup Arthur's cheek as he leans forward to rest their heads together. "What's wrong, beautiful?"

His fists his hands in his lover's thick black coat, clenching and tightening as he pulls him closer. _"Please don't go." _Arthur stills, his hands moving to Merlin's back to hold him tighter. "I have to Merlin. It's my… it's my destiny."

Tears soak the warm wool coat, and a worried lover tilts his other half's face up toward him. His voice is soft, quiet, almost silent under the hum of traffic and the heater that they had finally got to work last winter. "Is this what this is about?" Merlin pulls away, his breathing ragged and sobs racking his body.

"_No!_ It's not your destiny, Arthur. Not anymore! You're finished with all of that! It all ended when you _died. _This is your second chance… this is our chance… _you promised." _He sunk to the ground, his fingers finding posters and magazine ads; and the only thing he could think to do was tear and rip and scream at the very things that were responsible for taking their chance to be happy together away.

"Merlin! _Merlin! _Look at me, love. _Merlin!" _Arthur caught his hands in his, his strong hands keeping him still, his eyes were wide; scared. He's never seen his love act this way before. He wonders just how much he's missed, how many tears he had shed without Arthur there to lick them away and promise tomorrow would be a better day.

He cannot help but feel like he has failed Merlin.

"These are just pictures, Merlin! _Paper!_ They mean _nothing!" _Those blue eyes beg and plead for Merlin to see sense, tears began to fall down his cheek as he watches Merlin sobbing, knowing that he is responsible for this. That this is all his fault. His love looks up, voice cracking and quiet as he whispers.

"…If worthless paper that mean nothing can tear us apart, it is no wonder we didn't make it. We never will." Merlin's fingers shaking as he tears through the last poster, his tears falling faster now.

_**Be The Best. **__Enlist today! _

Arthur palms cup Merlin's wet cheeks that mirrored his own. "No. _No. _How could you even say that? I… it's going to be different this time, Merlin." His love just shakes his head, his fingers trembling. _"You promised this time would be different. You swore this time would be ours." _Arthur tugs the torn poster out of his love's hands, as he heard him whisper.

"Be the best… _Am I not good enough?"_

"No! _Merlin. _How could you even think that? I love you! I've always loved you. I always will… I just…" There are no words to explain, so he tries no longer, pulling his love to him and pressing their lips together. It's familiar; comfortable, warm, it felt like home when their lips met and melded together in a kiss and a love that transcends time.

"I have to do this."

Dark blue eyes watch him intently, pale fingers stroking his face. "No. No, you don't. We're free now, Arthur. We can live our lives as we see fit, it's your choice now. You're living your life for yourself now as you always did. It's no one decision but your own."

Merlin pulls away to stand in front of the balcony door, his palm pressed against the cold glass as he watches a tiny piece of poster flutter in the wind, stuck under the lawn chair. Arthur follows him, and leans his head on his love's shoulder.

"You're wrong. I don't… I don't live my life for myself, Merlin. I live… I've _always _lived for you." Arthur slides open the glass door, throwing the torn poster up in the air where it is blown away in the wind.

_Away._

Merlin picks up the small, remaining piece of poster and holds it out on his index finger to Arthur; a small smile gracing his face. His lover's lips twitch upwards as he wraps his hand around Merlin's, bringing his finger closer as he blows lightly, sending the poster flying into the air.

_Away._

Arthur holds his love to him, their lips meeting in a frenzy of lips and teeth; of whispered _I'm sorry's, I love you's _and _forgive me_; filling the air, loud amongst the traffic below and the hum of their crappy refrigerator.

Merlin pulls away panting, his lips dark red and bitten as he stares at his love. "Thank you, Arthur. For doing this. _For me." _

The Once and Future King just smiles, leaning in for a softer kiss.

"_Thank you, Merlin. For doing everything. For me." _

The lovers pull each other nearer, holding each other tighter; they would never let go.

_Closer._


End file.
